I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize