i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
