Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
