I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
