Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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