masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
