Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
