Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
