I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
