i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No subtext here. People are naked.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
