I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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