last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
