nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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