don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
