i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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