he wants to bone in the snuggie
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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