it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
