The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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