both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
