she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize