my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
