RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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