um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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