This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
