I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
