So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
