I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
