You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
