Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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