People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
