i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
