On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
