I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
