I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
