My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
