wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
