Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
