guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
