Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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