i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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