you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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