how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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