It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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