hotel room ftw
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
