I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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