Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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