i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
