you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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