i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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