He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
