these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
