Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
