okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize