Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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