I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
