i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
