I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
