i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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