why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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