this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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