I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
