According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
