On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
