my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
