Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
