I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Alive.
So much puke
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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