Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
