Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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