i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
