Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize