At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
